1.10.2004

i feel like your weak moment
i don't want to have this conversation
i feel sick
and it's you and we know it
now i want you to go away
i no longer miss this
i was fooling myself entirely
two of a different kind
you'd never understand unless i explained anyway
just like everything else.
you never did understand
but i fell in love with the idea that
someone like you would like someone like me
and you know what i mean
someone like you would actually give me the time of day
you're that guy from my teenage years
one of those guys out of the 100's i knew
that should be dating the dumb blondes
and not the smart cunts with family issues and anger to go around.
i'm no longer addicted but the withdrawl gets work
it's good i don't have the desire to go back
you make me sick
and those words finally ring true.
i never thought they would
thought i could love you forever
but you really make me sick.
the idea of you with another woman drives me crazy still
but at least now it's because i wouldn't wish you on anyone
not because i wish you would come back to me.
i knew that one night
we were on the beach
i knew i couldn't spend my life with you
it was the beginning of my long road to freedom.

jernet | 9:26:08 PM| comment

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i'm in love with you
your sideways smile
the way you laugh
and drive all those miles
your morning rollover
and late night kisses
the way you watch me
when you do your dishes
i love your mind
and respect your thoughts
the way you mix records
the way you walk
love me tender
love me hard
love me always
i'd give you the stars.

jernet | 12:14:45 AM| comment

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1.05.2004

stop my dreams
be still mind
quiet your fears
not everything's a lie
worry more about you
and less about others
take your time in life
don't push yourself to the point of being smothered

wash your face
pull back your hair
take a deep breath,
put on your pajamas
light some candles
let time pass closer to death

ignore the bears
the chase
the water
the stolen money
the lies
the drinks
the abadonment
the slaughter.

jernet | 2:08:49 AM| comment

***
i'm not sure if i like what you're implying
makes me feel like what's there is dying
i can't imagine that this is you being completely real
i don't want to imagine you can be like this, so i'll just let you deal
whatever that it was it wasn't the person i think i'm starting to know
whoever that way talking didn't treat me like i wanted to be treated, made me want to go
i hope you understand me when i say
that i really really don't like you that way.
it's like a weird defensive offensive mush of mess
like someone that's got something they want to get off their chest
hear the hurting, whatever the cause
i want to press the stop button not just the pause
eject rewind destroy that feed
i can't give you the power or the need
you'll figure it out or i'll cry trying
i don't want what's here to move close to dying.

jernet | 1:59:36 AM| comment

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1.04.2004

just a bunch of manipulation
right at its best
i thought i might lose my patience
put to the test
now i know i can forget it
involved in a mess
not involved in the shit
i'm more sure of the rest.

jernet | 10:56:36 AM| comment

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