9.25.2002

my motivation to do school work is sinking as the weekend creeps closer. HUMP DAY!

jernet | 4:09:12 PM| comment

***

9.24.2002

there's a right way to go about things
and a wrong way to go about things
and i sometimes, but not often, find myself looking back and wondering if i should've been more humble about the situation
i have many people telling me that i should stand up for myself more often within the things i do
i have some people saying things like, "how could someone not like netta?"
and then i have me saying, "netta's not so perfect" . . . but when someone wants to throw it in your face that you aren't perfect when they themselves act in the epitome of something they say they hate, what are you to think say and do?
when a person says they hate liars, but lie many times over about things that shouldn't even matter, what do you say? do you save face or do you wait til it boils over?
trust has become the biggest issue in my life. i want to trust you, but i know i shouldn't. i let myself go trusting you with my feelings, and you come back to me not emptyhanded but with shreds and shards of that trust that i first handed you.
hopefully i will find some hope, some humbleness, if not in myself at first then in someone else, eventually in me.

jernet | 1:54:29 AM| comment

***
would a 'spoiled bitch' share with you everything they had to share?
would they go to great extents to forgive you after you misled repeatedly and conveniently left things out?
. . . if it had been something more intelligent, or even maybe more correct it might've hurt.
all it did was make me nod and think, "wow that's it? after all of this . . . that's all you can say in response?"
no one is ever brutally honest about everything, but most people don't fail to leave things (that are considered important details) out . . . and they espeically don't do that unless it's on purpose. i'm not perfect, and i'm not claiming to not leave things out when dealing with people on a day-to-day basis. i am claiming that i try to be as honest as i can without hurting someone else's feelings, but no one ever keeps their thoughts on other people completely to themselves, especially when you don't know someone and the topic comes up to be discussed.
there is a big difference b/t misleading people and talking about them . . . i will smile in your face when i first meet you b/c there is a chance that we could be friends. in fact i will continue to smile in your face b/c i want everyone to smile and be happy. chances are i will only talk about you when you're not around if i'm threatened by you or if i perceive that you are doing something dishonest to someone else. chances are that my intentions are only in looking out for people, and i refuse to not look out for myself on some levels. that would make me a doormat, and momma didn't raise no doormat.

jernet | 1:40:49 AM| comment

***
you know that moment when you remember it's all going to be ok? i just had it.

jernet | 1:10:55 AM| comment

***

9.23.2002

some days i don't know where to turn
i don't know who to believe
i don't know who to smile at.

i sometimes don't even know if i should be smiling at anyone.

life becomes harder when you don't even know if you should smile at people you call your friends.
people that you trust more than the guy driving next to you who could swerve and kill you at any second;
i want to go back to the days of my hands over my eyes and just peeking.

i'm just . . . cleaning


jernet | 12:07:03 AM| comment

***